It’s no secret that here, in the West, men are at odds with the idea of marriage. There’s a reason for that, and it is truly unfortunate.
We all know that one guy… but what’s funny is that there are quite a few types of “those guys” that you can think of.
There is the guy who got the girl, then lost her, and subsequently lost his livelihood. There are the guys who sleep with every female they see and capitalize on any chance they get trying to convince you that it is undoubtedly the best way to live. More commonly nowadays there is the guy who threw women off all together. He spends all his time on the internet, playing games, and masturbating into a piece of silicone made by a child laborer in China.
So many great options to pick from, amiright?
Every guy knows someone that got screwed over by a woman, and it leaves a lasting impression. Legally speaking, if you commit yourself to the wrong woman then you can lose a lot more than that. The law of the land hasn’t caught up with the feminization of the Western world; and whether that is for better or worse it’s the spot that men find themselves in. In a lot of ways, it leads to a very tempting lifestyle: forget the trap of women and live on your own. Focus on your job, make a ton of cash, do what you want to do, and don’t take any shit from anyone in your own home.
Dream come true, right? I beg to differ.
But while the odds are against us, it doesn’t mean we should do away with the institution all together. In fact, the problem with marriage isn’t women at all- its weak men that can’t tame women.
Let me cut you off before you start going new wave feminist on me- I don’t mean tame in the way we tame a wild animal. In fact, men are more the wild animals that need to be tamed, but that’s not the point of this piece.
It isn’t very popular to say in our current culture, but women need men now more than ever. The encroaching feminist movement isn’t an attack on masculinity anymore. It’s an attack on femininity. The lie being told right now is that in order for women to be successful, they need to do away with anything that makes them uniquely a woman. Diaper bags have turned into briefcases, and homemakers have turned into breadwinners. It’s labeled as progress, but it doesn’t feel that way… does it?
In a world of shattered relationships and mental illness as far as the eye can see, I think it’s safe to say that it is the farthest thing from progress.
While it’s easy to blame a million things, it shouldn’t be hard to see that the real reason for this issue is that men aren’t men anymore. Standing your ground as a man isn’t fashionable anymore. In fact, standing your ground for anything can get you in a lot of trouble with a mob of crazy elites with an agenda of racial and gender diversity. The sentiment is rampant in nearly every aspect of life right now, and the growing cloud of anti-masculine propaganda can be crippling. This confidence-destroying mentality leads to our relationships with women where we bow to their every desire and cease to hold any real stake in the game to avoid the conflict. After all, why would a woman need to compromise? You’re the man after all…
Here is a little known secret- most women don’t actually think that way. They might come off that way in the beginning, but with just a little bit of confidence and healthy masculinity you can see that behind every strong, independent woman is a feminine creature with the desire to be loved, cherished, and cared for. Behind every career woman is someone that, under the right circumstances and leadership, would make an amazing mother and housewife.
That’s where we come in. We need to provide that leadership.
That doesn’t mean you need to make a million dollars a year, and it doesn’t mean that your woman will never have to work again. It does mean that you need to play an active role in your relationships… but where does that start?
First off, you need to figure out what you’re about, and it shouldn’t be jerking off and Xbox. Commit yourself to something you find important and dig in deep. Find something that provides a good to the world, and give it everything you have. Maybe you look around and see your childhood community is filled to the brim with crime. Go join law enforcement or serve in your local church. Maybe you’re slowly killing yourself at your office job? Quit your job and go learn a trade doing something that will get your ass moving. There is no shortage of things to commit yourself to, but it can be hard to figure out what you need to do. One great piece of advice I heard was to look at the greatest men in history and idolize them. Read and learn what they did right, what they did wrong, and how they made a name for themselves. Chances are your spark is waiting in that dusty history book on your shelf.
Next, surround yourself with men, and do your best to create those relationships in person. Solitude is numbing, and being around women all the time will turn you into one. You’ll never learn how to be about something until you find someone else that is. Keep in mind that men build bonds over tasks and ideas. Join a sport or hit up your local cigar bar. Some of the most meaningful conversations I’ve ever had were had over a stogie and a few fingers of scotch. Or maybe you need to think of an old buddy that you used to look up to but lost connection with. Give him a call. Every community is different, so you’ll need to figure out where you should start.
Once you have these things down, you’ll start to feel a new level of confidence. Solidify your convictions, but don’t let them become cockiness. You’ll make mistakes along the way, and you’ll need to learn to take them in stride. Conviction doesn’t mean you do away with humility, but it does mean you stand for what you believe and you ardently fight what you hate.
Once you have that down, we can talk about bringing a woman into the equation.
First off, let’s make it clear that most people are shit, and women are definitely not exempt from that. The first task is to find a woman worth being with, or at least one with potential. Also, pro tip- you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife. If Kanye couldn’t do it, neither can you.
But wait… what makes a woman worth being with? Honestly, that’s a tough question to answer… Luckily for you, there is a good chance that you don’t have to find that woman.
Here’s another little secret that most men don’t realize: you don’t pick the woman. The woman picks you. Once you show promise as a man, not through your bank account but through your actions, women will begin to notice you. That doesn’t mean the first woman to knock on your door is the one, but it does give you an opportunity to figure out who is. Find the most fulfilled men in your life and figure out what gave them that fulfillment, and once you do don’t settle for anything less. By that, I don’t mean look for a perfect woman that matches your dream profile because you won’t find her. She doesn’t exist. Instead, find a woman that has the same goals as you.
I met my wife back in high school, but we sure as hell weren’t high school sweethearts. See, at the time I was learning all these lessons above the hard way. In fact, I know all the above lessons specifically because at some point I was each of those men I mentioned in the beginning. It wasn’t until I got my ass kicked by both life and love that I learned what I stood for as a man. Once I was on that path, that woman chose me. It wasn’t until we shared a phone call when I was 1000 miles away that I figured out that I needed to choose her too. We discussed what it meant to be a husband and a wife, what it meant to raise a family, and what was truly important to prioritize. When I saw her and I were on the same page, the rest was history.
Once I found my faith and my conviction, I found the right woman. She didn’t like me when I was heartbroken over some broad, and she didn’t care for me when I was off sleeping with every female at arm’s length. She definitely didn’t want me when I was playing Xbox 5 hours a day and wasting my life blowing loads into tissues. It wasn’t until I did away with my selfish pride and focused my energies on providing value to this world that she saw someone worth being with.
That’s because she saw a leader; someone to commit herself to fully and without remorse. It isn’t until men learn to do that again that women will learn to be wives again.
Maybe you think I’m full of it and I’m just spouting off some toxic diatribe about masculinity. Maybe you think you couldn’t do it yourself because of the cards you were dealt. But chances are that if you got this far then something resonated. Just give the advice a shot. At worst you’ll end up with a few good books under your belt and the knowledge of how not to do it. But maybe you’ll get one step closer to being the man you were supposed to be.